I'm the girl you don't like just because I'm fat. Nice to meet you, too.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
One Day I Ate A Whole...
Box of assorted chocolates. I threw the empty box in the dumpster behind someone else's house so my husband wouldn't find out.
Apple pie. I went to the store and got another one. I cut two slices out and ate those, too, so it wouldn't look like I ate the whole pie. Which I did, plus more. He never knew.
Box of donuts. I didn't have the energy to replace them, so I told my room mate that they fell in the dish water and I had to throw them out (which makes no sense, but then again, she wasn't that bright). I took the trash out just to go along with that lie.
Pan of muffins. I was home alone, so I didn't have to make excuses or lie about that one, since no one knew it happened anyway.
Box of Cocoa Krispies. I just couldn't stop. The milk turns to chocolate!
One pound bag of peanut M&Ms
Three Big Macs, two large fries, two apple pies and a 2 liter of Diet Coke. That was just "lunch". And I ate it in my car because I didn't want anyone to see me. I hid the trash under the seat until I got to work and then threw the evidence in the dumpster.
What have you devoured and then covered up? And why did you feel the need to hide it?
I used to, back when my mother, sister and I would do these freaky binges when I was in high school after my parents got divorced, be able to eat 5 slices of deep dish pizza and then have a giant bowl of rocky road ice cream for dessert and finish that off with peanut M and M's. Makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.
Once, when I was living in Germany and dating this German guy, I was over at his place after he had left for work. I was rooting around in his kitchen and found a package of these amazing little dark chocolate-covered butter cookies. I ate the whole effin' bag. And then thought, what do I do now? I didn't have the key to his place, so I couldn't go out and replace them before he knew what I had done. Luckily, they had been in a drawer that I knew he didn't go into that often, so I did go out and find another bag--I had to go to four different stores to find the same ones--and then I hid them in my book bag and when I went over the next day, when he went to the bathroom, I stashed the new bag. The new bag that I was sorely tempted to devour, too.
I had a roommate when I lived in NYC in the early 90's who was as tall and skinny as I was short and fat. When she wasn't around I would order takeout from Dallas Jones BBQ and eat fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, "onion straws", and cole slaw and then throw it all out BEFORE my roommate would come home and we'd go out for (another) dinner.
I went through a period of depressed binge eating where I would eat a whole box of Entemann's soft baked chocolate chip cookies and wash it down with a quart of milk just because it was "kid food" and I needed to be taken care of.
I also had a bad jones for Little Debbie snacks because they were only a quarter and I could bang down four or five of them. I was "sneak eating" when I lived with a former boyfriend who hated how I gained weight and monitored everythng I put in my mouth.
I've thrown something away to stop myself from eating it only to go back and frantically dig through the garbage to finish whatever it was I was eating.
While I no longer binge or compulsively overeat, I DO sometimes eat things I know aren't contributing to my health or "graze" all day eating a little something here and there.
I credit OA, many many books, therapy, and constantly writing in my journals so I am not unconscious of my feelings to keep me from compulsively overeating. It's a daily repreive, honestly. Some days are better than others.
Food, my weight, my body -- these are my core issues that I know I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I'm NOT normal around food.
Thank you Miss S and Laura for your comments. I appreciate it. I hope more people visit and leave their comments. I think it's good for all of us to read them.
I used to live for the days my husband would go out of town. He monitored everything I ate so when he left I would go to the store that very day and stock up on junk food. I would get chips, cake, candy, soda, and anything that I could see that I hadn't had in a very long time. Weirdly, I would always throw something "healthy" in the basket such as fruit. I still do not know why I would do that? To distract the cashier from my binge loaded cart?
I would go home and eat all day and then I would gather up all that was left and walk to the trash dumpster and toss it. I only needed one day but it made me feel great. I had to get rid of the evidence before my husband came home.
I dont so this anymore due to therapy for my obsession with food but I agree with Laura Bora...I am not normal around food either. And I think about food all day long like i guess men think about sex.
My site is underconstruction but hope to see you there soon...I will keep reading.
4 Comments:
I used to, back when my mother, sister and I would do these freaky binges when I was in high school after my parents got divorced, be able to eat 5 slices of deep dish pizza and then have a giant bowl of rocky road ice cream for dessert and finish that off with peanut M and M's. Makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.
Once, when I was living in Germany and dating this German guy, I was over at his place after he had left for work. I was rooting around in his kitchen and found a package of these amazing little dark chocolate-covered butter cookies. I ate the whole effin' bag. And then thought, what do I do now? I didn't have the key to his place, so I couldn't go out and replace them before he knew what I had done. Luckily, they had been in a drawer that I knew he didn't go into that often, so I did go out and find another bag--I had to go to four different stores to find the same ones--and then I hid them in my book bag and when I went over the next day, when he went to the bathroom, I stashed the new bag. The new bag that I was sorely tempted to devour, too.
I had a roommate when I lived in NYC in the early 90's who was as tall and skinny as I was short and fat. When she wasn't around I would order takeout from Dallas Jones BBQ and eat fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, "onion straws", and cole slaw and then throw it all out BEFORE my roommate would come home and we'd go out for (another) dinner.
I went through a period of depressed binge eating where I would eat a whole box of Entemann's soft baked chocolate chip cookies and wash it down with a quart of milk just because it was "kid food" and I needed to be taken care of.
I also had a bad jones for Little Debbie snacks because they were only a quarter and I could bang down four or five of them. I was "sneak eating" when I lived with a former boyfriend who hated how I gained weight and monitored everythng I put in my mouth.
I've thrown something away to stop myself from eating it only to go back and frantically dig through the garbage to finish whatever it was I was eating.
While I no longer binge or compulsively overeat, I DO sometimes eat things I know aren't contributing to my health or "graze" all day eating a little something here and there.
I credit OA, many many books, therapy, and constantly writing in my journals so I am not unconscious of my feelings to keep me from compulsively overeating. It's a daily repreive, honestly. Some days are better than others.
Food, my weight, my body -- these are my core issues that I know I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I'm NOT normal around food.
Thank you Miss S and Laura for your comments. I appreciate it. I hope more people visit and leave their comments. I think it's good for all of us to read them.
I used to live for the days my husband would go out of town. He monitored everything I ate so when he left I would go to the store that very day and stock up on junk food. I would get chips, cake, candy, soda, and anything that I could see that I hadn't had in a very long time. Weirdly, I would always throw something "healthy" in the basket such as fruit. I still do not know why I would do that? To distract the cashier from my binge loaded cart?
I would go home and eat all day and then I would gather up all that was left and walk to the trash dumpster and toss it. I only needed one day but it made me feel great. I had to get rid of the evidence before my husband came home.
I dont so this anymore due to therapy for my obsession with food but I agree with Laura Bora...I am not normal around food either. And I think about food all day long like i guess men think about sex.
My site is underconstruction but hope to see you there soon...I will keep reading.
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