Is It A Big Secret?

How many of you keep your eating to yourself?

Do other people know of your addiction? If so, are they willing to help or do they brush you off?

When/if you go on a diet, do you tell your significant other? What is his/her reaction?


Here are my answers:

Yes, I keep my food obsession to myself. I think I've been eating in secret since I was 7 or 8. I've never been able to break the habit. I have extreme anxiety about eating in front of people; even my husband and my family.

If I told my husband or my family and friends about my issues with food, I'm positive they would brush me aside and say something like "Well, of COURSE! You're fat. That's what fat people do." I don't have an understanding husband and I haven't ever had a very good relationship with my family. So I eat in secret. All day, every day.

The longest I've ever been on a "diet" is three days. I just don't have the willpower. And since I don't have the willpower, I don't tell anyone I'm on a "diet". Mostly because I know I can never stick to it. Plus, it would embarass me. If I told my husband, he'd laugh. I know he would.

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What I ate this weekend:

3 bowls of Cocoa Krispies
1 bag of chocolate covered pretzels
Microwave popcorn
Lots of diet coke
I made a batch of cinnamon apple muffins this morning and ate all of them, slathered in butter
A big box of Reeses Pieces (the kind you get at the movies)
Went to the chinese restaurant last night and ordered two meals, pretending like one was for my husband. He was away on Saturday. I ate two whole orders plus two egg rolls and an order of cream cheese wontons.
Haagen Daz strawberry ice cream
Two Rice Krispie treats I bought at the gas station
1 Cadbury dairy milk bar
At least 6 cups of coffee

What about you?

Thank You!

Thanks, everyone, for your comments re: therapy. I am currently searching for a therapist in my town that takes my insurance. Oh, and one that has night time appointments, so I can meet him/her after work. I'd prefer to have a woman, but I'll take what I can get.

I'm so bad at this blogging thing, but at least I've kept to my "once a week" promise.

My husband is currently on his way to a bachelor party for his friend Joel. I think he was a little freaked out that I didn't make a fuss about it. Why would I? I don't own him; he can do what he wants. And if he wants to drink in excess, smoke stinky cigars, and stare at boobies all night, I wish him lots of fun. I just don't care, to be honest. I think he can tell.

So I have the house to myself tonight. I have the movie "The Family Stone" to watch, and I'm trying to decide what I'm going to stuff into my face. I bought a giant bag of mini peanut butter cups, so I'm eating those. I have microwave popcorn, two 2 liters of diet coke, and I'm debating if I want to make a pan of brownies or not. Oh, and I have some Ben & Jerry's in the freezer, too.

I just have to make sure I clean up the evidence before my husband gets back.

What's everyone else eating this weekend?

Not In A Good Place

I've been thinking about the idea of therapy. I've always been a depressed person, but lately I just don't feel like I can function well. I'm sad and scatterbrained and cry for no reason. My relationship with my husband is deteriorating and it makes me sad that I really don't care. I'm not a sexual person and that makes him mad. I'm not much of a socialite, either, and that pisses him off. But? He knew these things when he married me.

I just hate the "I don't care" feeling. I don't care about my clients at work. I don't care about housekeeping. I don't care about the way I look. And I really don't care about my husband.

That last thing makes me sad.

It's true, I love him, but I almost feel like we'd both be better off on our own. That way he can find someone who will go out bar-hopping with him and I can just be by myself at home. I like being alone. I'm not really concerned if I don't find another person to be with. Like I said, I just don't care.

So that's why I think I should get some help. Just to lift this perpetual black cloud I have hanging over my head all the time. I'm sure my insurance will cover it.

Is this a smart idea?