Hello, Friends. I'm not dead.

Thank you for all your email and comments. No, I'm not dead. I'm just wrapping up the tax season. I'm sure you can understand. Sometimes my work gets the best of me. I wish it didn't, but that's life.

There's nothing really exciting going on in my life right now. Although I did find this site through Big Fat Blog this morning. If you get the chance, please click on the link and follow through to the "reflect/respect" section. I don't know if it's because I'm really emotional today, or what, but I cried and cried when I watched that piece. I think it's because I'm not used to a skinny, scrawny, 20-something man devoting a large chunk of his time to a body issues project. It was really a nice (albeit surprising) thing to see, so that's what made me cry.

But it also made me think that there are people in this country who are on our side. And that's really something, you know? Just when I think I'll never be accepted like the 115 pound secretary in my office is accepted, the "reflect/respect" project comes along and it makes me have hope. And that's a good thing.

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This weekend I ate:

KFC

Three bags of easter candy that was on sale at Target

2 2 litres of Diet Coke

a pan of brownies

a family sized pot pie

1/2 lb of pistachios while watching the movie "Multiplicity"

between 8 and 10 pancakes. I lost count

peanut butter cup blizzard from Dairy Queen on my way home from work on Friday. Those are hard to eat while driving!

Fat Girl On the Bus

Today I had to take the bus home from work. I was the third one to get on at the stop, so I was able to find a seat with no problem.

Then a funny thing happened.

The bus started filling up with people. Every time the bus stopped, at least 6 or 7 people would board. That might not sound like a lot, but trust me, people were smushed in the isles.

But the funny thing? Not ONE person sat down next to me. The FAT lady. I was taking up my one seat and my bag (which is huge and I admit I should probably pair it down a bit!) was leaning over to the other seat by maybe six inches. The people standing looked at me like I was some big blob of lard, spilling over TWO WHOLE SEATS! Man, the looks that I got tonight! You wouldn't believe it. It's like I killed a litter of kittens with my bare hands or something.

But, the joke is on them. I was able to ride my hour long commute in comfort. Because these yuppie idiots believe you can catch The Fat, none of them wanted to sit down next to me. That's fine by me. More elbow -and thigh -room for me to enjoy.

Tell Me...

I promise to finish the Husband Story very soon! But in the mean time, I'd love it if everyone who reads this blog would comment with one (or more) of their most embarrassing food and/or fat girl stories. You can be completely anonymous, too.

Here's mine:

When I was in grade school I was pretty hefty. I remember being weighed by the school nurse at 10 years old and I was at 150 pounds. There was a classmate in the nurses office who either saw or heard that number and she went and told EVERYONE. And what's worse? She ended her little speech with "She's, like, heavier than my dad and he's THIRTY!"

No one seemed to forget about that moment, either. I was still hearing it when I was 18 and graduating. Kids are so cruel.

Your turn!

Is it Me or Does This Sound Like Extortion?

While reading CNN.com this morning, I came across this disturbing video.

Cremation Delayed for 457 Pound Woman

It seems as though the crematorium has been holding on to the woman for two months without notifying her son. The reason? They want $157 more dollars - $1 per pound that she's "over their 300 pound limit".

Is it just me, or does it seem like this business is taking advantage of the situation because the woman is fat? They are basically holding the dead woman as ransom until they get their measly $157.

Disgusting.

The Husband Story, part 3

I just wanted to say that I appreciate everyone's patience. I've been working a lot and fighting off a cold (flu?) so after work I've been going to bed early. And thanks for the encouraging comments. Keep them coming!



As the week went on, I thought more and more about him. I didn't like the fact that I was spending so much time thinking about him. I needed to channel my energy into school. I had finals coming up and since it was my senior year, I couldn't afford to mess anything up.

He called me a few times, but I never answered the phone. I let the machine get it every time. And every time he called me he would ask me to call him back. He left his cell phone number as well as his email address after the beep. I was sure I would not call his cell phone. I couldn't risk calling him while he's in the middle of dinner or some other social event with his buddies. Plus, I have little tolerance talking to people on cell phones when they have more important things to do - like watching the game or pounding back beers with the buds.

So I figured I'd send him an email. I figure this was a good solution. Why? Because I was pretty positive that my email would land in his "junk" box and he would never get it. He didn't know my email so he couldn't put it on his "safe" list. So I sent off a quick mail saying "Sorry. I got your messages. Things are just too busy for me right now. I don't know when I'll be able to see you again. Have a good night." And that was it.

Of course, I get an email back from him almost right away. What the heck? Was he waiting for it? He said something along the lines of "I understand you're busy, but I really want to see you. Can't we meet for lunch on Friday? Please say YES!". It took me about three hours to respond. And to my surprise, I said "Yes."

We met for lunch at a Chinese place close to my school. I think I ordered beef and broccoli. He ordered something weird and he ate with chopsticks. Fifteen minutes into the lunch he put his chopsticks down and looked at me with a really seriousness in his eyes.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since we met," he said.

I picked up my water glass and took a bunch of little sips. I smiled but didn't say anything.

"Have you thought about me at all? I'd really like to get to know you better. I think you're smart, interesting, funny, and really beautiful."

That's where the blushing and the stammering comes in. I still don't know if he's telling me the truth or not. I didn't know what to say. I mean, I did spend an awful lot of time thinking about him. But it wasn't really in a romantic way. It was more like "Why does this guy care so much about me?" kind of way. I mean, he was cute and he wasn't boring or anything. I just couldn't get past the thought that he was using me as some big prank or something. Guys like him don't go for girls like me.

"Well, I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship," I told him. "I'm hoping to move after school and get a job right away. I don't want to live here any more and I've been applying at companies thousands of miles away."

"But why do you have to move? I'm sure you can find a great job here," he said. "What about your friends? You're able to just leave them like that?"

I didn't want to tell him that I had very few friends to begin with, and the ones I did have were pretty fair weather if you know what I mean. I never gave these people a second thought. The only thing I thought about was graduating and moving on. I didn't want to stay in this city any longer than I had to.

"I have to do what's best for me. I'll make friends out there. That's not something I worry about," I told him. I was feeling uncomfortable. I didn't even know this guy and he wanted me to stay in the city just so he can see me once in a while. I kind of found that a little bit creepy.

"I can't make you stay, but I really like you. Do you think you can give me a chance? Just for the next few weeks? If it doesn't work, you can leave. If it does, you stay. Deal?"

I didn't know what to say. I mean, what makes him think that he's god's gift and that I should forget all my plans for him? But at the same time, he looked so cute and his eyes were starting to melt my heart a little. I didn't know why I was feeling this way. I didn't know if I should just tell him to leave me alone, or if I should take him up on his offer? I didn't like how conflicted I was.

"Let me think about it," I said. "I'll send you an email later with my decision. How does that sound? Right now I need to get back to the library. "

"OK. Let me walk you." He paid the bill (again, refused my half of the check) and we left the restaurant. We started walking toward the library when he stopped.

He turned to me and got closer. "I hope you decide to spend more time with me. I think you and I would get along really well. I mean, we both have to get over this awkward thing and get to knowing who we are, you know? And if we don't click, well, at least we gave it a shot. That's all I'm asking for here, ok?"

I stood there, silent. I watched some traffic zoom by over his shoulder. I could tell his eyes hadn't left mine. It was both creepy and romantic at the same time.

"OK," I squeaked out. "I will write to you tonight. Thank you again for lunch."

(to be continued...)